Pregnancy After Loss

“Just when you think you will never see the light again, a rainbow so beautiful and precious comes along to remind you just how bright your world can be” – Anonymous

Even though pregnancy after loss is something that so many families have longed for, it can also be stressful, confusing and hold a myriad of complex and sometimes contradicting emotions.

Most people who have never experienced the loss of a pregnancy may not understand that getting pregnant again does not just erase any sort of pain or fear. Many families navigating pregnancy after loss may have insecurities or doubts and anxiety that another loss may occur.

According to the National Institute of Health, 50-80% will become pregnant within the next year after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. “Loss” does not just mean it can happen in the first trimester either. “Perinatal loss” according to NIH, is actually defined as any loss occurring from the very beginning of pregnancy all the way until the first moth of a baby’s life.

A study from the National Library of Medicine found that couples with a 0–3 month interval are more likely to achieve a live birth than couples with a >3 month interval. Ovulation can happen as soon as 2 weeks after miscarriage, so if you become pregnant during this first ovulation, you may even see a positive sign quicker than you expected or were prepared for. 

This leaves an enormous group of people who are experiencing perinatal grief and even post-traumatic stress disorders by the time they become pregnant again.

What is a Rainbow Baby?

Many families who become pregnant again after a loss refer to this child as their “rainbow baby”. The concept is that a rainbow is what typically comes after a storm. The “storm” is referring to the the dark and traumatic pain they have had to experience loosing their previous pregnancy or child. The “rainbow” is a symbol of hope and promise. Rainbow babies are celebrates by these families but it is also a way to honor and grieve their experience of losing something so special and honoring the child that they also wish they could be holding in their arms.

Rainbow babies are born after the loss of a pregnancy or pregnancies, such as due to: Miscarriage, Ectopic pregnancy, Molar pregnancy, Termination for medical reasons, Stillbirth, and Neonatal death.

National Rainbow Baby Day is August 22nd and many use this day to honor these babies, to share their stories and spread awareness about the complexities that come with becoming pregnant again after loss.

Even though Rainbow Babies are often referred to as “miracle babies” and are loved and hoped for, these parents of Rainbow Babies know there are also no guarantees.

Will this pregnancy be different?

The good news is — Yes!

We know to those out there who have experienced multiple losses, there may be some apprehension and caution upon hearing that answer but we truly want you know that EVERY pregnancy is different. This is a different baby conceived at a different time with a brand new egg and sperm. You could feel guilt for feeling excitement or even feel like you don’t want to get your hopes up and feeling guilt for no feeling excitement at all about this pregnancy. Whatever you are feeling, it is valid and we want you to know there is no wrong way to feel about this pregnancy.

Your OBGYN/Midwife will want to keep an eye on things depending on your previous loss but this is not a sign that something will go wrong again in this pregnancy. You may find yourself wanting more information about this pregnancy, more ultrasounds, more scans, more tests done. You may even be taking multiple pregnancy tests to confirm you are still pregnant…but you could have all the information in the world and it still can’t take the away doubt or anxiety entirely.

Pregnancy holds a lot of uncertainty and unfortunately, many things are beyond our control. Moving through this uncertainty in day-to-day life takes a lot of mental courage and strength. Try getting in touch with a perinatal mental health therapist if you have not already. This will give you space to be able to talk about any complex feelings and gain insight from a professional who can give you tools to cope. Writing in a journal or writing down and memorizing positive pregnancy affirmations can also help.

You are not alone!

This time in your life can feel very isolating. You may feel like no one truly understands what you are feeling and going through. This can’t be further from the truth. You are not alone in this. About 25% of all pregnancies sadly end in loss. This statistic is not meant to bring instill any fear or doubt in your mind but when you think about the number of people who have gone through a loss and had a pregnancy after— that is a lot of people! Even if you are the only person in your friend group or family to experience what you are going through right now, we want to remind you that SO many out there you may see in your every day life at the bank or the grocery store or at Target have gone through and have most likely felt what you are feeling right now. You are never alone.

Where can I find support?

Right here!

As your doulas we are here for you from the very beginning all the way through your postpartum helping you navigate this journey. We are a listening ear whether you are excited or just need to cry or vent. We don’t want you or your partner to have to walk through this experience alone. Our goal is to help you feel supported from every angle so you can be able to move through this pregnancy at whatever way is best for you, knowing you always have someone in your corner!

There are also so many support groups of families who are going through or have gone through exactly what you are right now!

If you are in the Triangle area in NC, here is a Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group sponsored by UNC Healthcare that meets at the NC Botanical Gardens in Chapel Hill the first Thursday of each month from 6:30-8:30pm. You can call 919-619-6547 or email Claire.Hartman@unchealth.unc.edu or Elizabeth.Burch@unchealth.unc.edu for more information.

If you are in the Wilmington area, you can find support groups through Inner Solutions Counseling Center - you can register on their website or can contact them at 910-245-3748. They offer free support groups for pregnancy after infertility or loss, fertility/intertility, miscariage and pregnancy after loss, endometriosis education and support groups.

If you are not in either of these areas looking for support, we recommend looking for mental health providers and support groups through Postpartum Support International.